A person leaves this world, and for us, only bright memory. From time immemorial, commemoration has been given Special attention. There are several days a year when it is important to visit the grave of the deceased as a sign of love, memory and respect. Does the birthday of the deceased belong to such days? There is no single answer to the question. Someone believes that a birthday with the death of a person ceases to be relevant. And someone tries to bring treats to the cemetery on this day. It all depends on the confessional affiliation and traditions that have developed in a particular area.
The clergy believe that the birthday of the deceased is not a reason to go to the cemetery. How does the church explain this? What exactly is a birthday? This is the day when the soul was on earth in one form or another. On the day of death, the soul leaves the body, which means that the celebration loses all meaning. Moreover, the ministers of the church deny that the soul of the deceased is tied to any place. To mentally communicate with the dead, it is not at all necessary to go to the grave. His spirit can be anywhere, because after death the soul is freed.
But what if on the birthday of the deceased you are uneasy because you do not celebrate the celebration in any way? Don't beat yourself up, just go to church. Pray, light a candle, or order a funeral service. And after the visit, distribute alms, treat friends who knew the deceased. After doing this, you will notice how it becomes easier on the soul. The main thing is not to show excessive suffering, because the departed see all this and suffer no less than us.
Should I go to the grave on the birthday of the deceased or not? View of modern man
In the 21st century, visiting a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased is considered appropriate. Some people come to the monument with relatives, where they remember the deceased. As a rule, flowers are placed on the grave, candles are placed near the tombstone. Some order a prayer service in the temple and come to the cemetery with a priest, where the church minister conducts prayer rule. Upon returning home, it is customary to treat neighbors, acquaintances and relatives with sweets with a request to remember the deceased.
How to celebrate the birthday of the deceased? It's up to you: do what you feel. The main thing is not to violate ethical rules. For example, eating and drinking alcohol at the cemetery is a sign of disrespect for those buried in the graveyard and their relatives.
Fear of the unknown - natural reaction, forcing even the most notorious atheist, albeit to a minimal extent, to believe and adhere to certain rules behavior during, before and after the funeral.
In order to help the soul of the deceased easily leave the material world, one must not only know the recommendations, but also understand their deep meaning. Not everyone knows how to behave correctly if such a grief happened in the family. Therefore, we have compiled a detailed article describing the rules of what you can and cannot do.
In Orthodoxy, commemoration after death is held 3 times. On the third day after death, on the ninth, fortieth. The essence of the ritual is a memorial meal. Relatives, acquaintances gather at a common table. They remember the deceased, his good deeds, stories from life.
— On the 3rd day after death (on the same day the funeral is also held), everyone who wants to honor the memory of the deceased gathers. The Christian is first taken to the burial rite in the church or chapel of the cemetery. The unbaptized dead, after parting with the house, are immediately taken to the cemetery. Then everyone returns to the house for the wake. For this memorial table the family of the deceased does not sit down
- In the first seven days after the death of a person, do not take anything out of the house.
— On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, lay a second memorial table at home, only close relatives are called to honor the memory of the deceased. The commemoration is reminiscent of a family dinner, with the difference that the photo of the deceased is not far from the refectory table. Next to the picture of the deceased put a glass of water or vodka, a slice of bread. 
— On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is arranged, everyone is invited. On this day, those who could not attend the funeral usually come to the wake. In the church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
- From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce the verbal charm formula for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "Earth rest in peace", thereby expressing wishes for his soul to be in paradise.
- After the 40th day and over the next three years, we will say a different wish formula: "Kingdom of heaven to him". Thus we wish the deceased afterlife in Paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. Guided by the biblical commandment "Judge not, lest you be judged".
- During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any festive celebration.
- None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could marry or marry during the period of mourning.
- If a relative of the 1st or 2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and a year has not yet passed after his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or some other color - blue, black , green) and, accordingly, take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
- After the death of her husband, the wife is forbidden for a year to wash anything on the day of the week on which the trouble happened.
- For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of rest or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the things of the deceased until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal rest.
- Exactly one year after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“please”) - the 4th, final memorial family and birth table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly one year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
On this day, you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery - visit the grave.
As soon as the last memorial meal, the family is again included in traditional scheme holiday regulations folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, has the right to take part in any tribal celebrations, including playing weddings.
- A monument on the grave can only be erected after a year after the death of a person. And it is necessary to remember Golden Rule folk culture: "Do not chapay the land pasture Pakravou da Radaunshchy." This means that if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period up to Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
- After the installation of the monument, the cross (usually wooden) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower garden or under a gravestone.
- You can marry (get married) after the death of one of the spouses only after a year. If a woman married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-owner only after seven years.
- If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband, his wife took his ring, and if she no longer remarried, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
- If the husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that, having met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings, with which the Lord God crowned us.
For three years, the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death are celebrated. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays of commemoration of ancestors are celebrated.
Not all of us know how to pray, much less know how to pray for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help you find peace in your soul after an irreparable loss.
Cemetery visit throughout the year
During the first year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for 9, 40 days after death and church holidays of honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are the days of commemoration of the dead recognized by the church. Try to convince your relatives that you should not constantly come to the grave to the deceased, thereby harming their health.
Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
Whichever way you come to the cemetery, come back the same way.
- Meatfare Saturday is the Saturday in the ninth week before Easter.
- universal parent saturday- Saturday in the second week of Lent.
- Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the third week of Great Lent.
- Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the fourth week of Great Lent.
- Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter.
- Trinity Saturday is the Saturday in the seventh week after Easter.
- Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after.
How to dress for the anniversary of death?
Clothing for the anniversary of death is of no small importance. If before memorial dinner a trip to the cemetery is planned - it should be taken into account weather. To visit the church, women need to prepare a headdress (shawl).
For all funeral events, dress strictly. Shorts, deep neckline, bows and ruffles will look indecent. Bright, colorful colors are best avoided. Business, office suits, closed shoes, strict dresses in muted colors are an appropriate choice for a mourning date.
Is it possible to make repairs after the funeral?
According to signs that are not related to Orthodoxy, repairs in the house where the deceased lived cannot be done within 40 days. You can not make any changes to the interior. In addition, all belongings of the deceased must be thrown away after 40 days. And on the bed on which a person died, his blood relatives should not sleep at all. From an ethical point of view, the repair will only refresh the state of the mourners of the loss of people. It will help to get rid of things reminiscent of a person. Although many, in memory of a departed loved one, seek to keep for themselves some of what belongs to him. According to signs, this is again not worth doing. Therefore, the repair will be good decision in all cases.
Can I clean up after the funeral?
While the dead in the house you can not clean and take out the trash. It is believed that the rest of the family members will die. When the deceased was taken out of the house, it is necessary to thoroughly wash the floor. It is forbidden for blood relatives to do this. Orthodox Church also denies this point and considers it superstition.
After the death of a person, relatives and friends of the deceased keep the memory of him. Coming to the grave is one of the obligatory rituals. As a rule, it is combined with important church holidays, as well as when there is a need for care and cleaning of the burial place. Is it possible to visit the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased and how to behave on this day?
Opinion of the Christian Church
The clergy do not interfere with the desire of the relatives of the deceased to visit the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased person. It is good to combine such visits with the order of the funeral service, the distribution of alms. Commemoration in the world is flowers on the grave, candles. At the same time, it is important to maintain a sense of proportion. Ordering ritual wreaths in bulk, arranging magnificent feasts at the grave is not only not necessary, but also undesirable.
The main thing, according to the clergy, is to come to the cemetery on this day with a prayer, to be full of good intentions. It is also undesirable to cry when visiting the resting place - in this case, the soul will toil and will not find peace. There are no restrictions on the time of the visit to the cemetery - you can come and stay at the grave at any time of the day and for any period.
How to commemorate the deceased on his birthday?
The Christian church does not take this day as special. After death, it loses its meaning. Therefore, it is not worth attaching any special significance to the day. Everything that a loved one does on this day can be done on any other.
What can be done on this day?
- perform a memorial service in the Temple;
- make a general prayer rule at the grave;
- distribute charity.
Upon returning home, according to tradition, you can treat relatives and neighbors with sweets and funeral food. This will help to remember the deceased, to pray for his soul.
What is undesirable to do on this day?
- arrange a lavish commemoration;
- drink alcoholic beverages;
- bring food to the grave and eat there;
You can also remember the deceased at home and in the church, and time the visit to the burial place on any other day. If it is impossible to arrive at the grave for the deceased, they pray at the location. Church services and commemorations can also be held regardless of the distance to the final resting place of a person.
Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased?
They go to the cemetery along large holidays - Easter, Krasnaya Gorka, Palm, parental and other convenient times for a person. On the birthday of the deceased, they remember at home, in the circle of relatives, friends, acquaintances. Most people commemorate the day of death, go to church, order a prayer service.
For a long time I have heard such an opinion that after the death of a person, his birthday is no longer considered and on this day you do not need to go to the cemetery.
But it seems to me that this is not entirely true. If you feel that you want to go to the cemetery that day, then there is nothing wrong with that, but on the contrary, it is worth going.
As far as I know, the negative from people associated with the church or close to it, to visiting the cemetery on the birthdays of the deceased went, as far as I know, only in recent times. And it is connected with the fact that cemeteries in our multinational country are visited not only by representatives of, let's say, Slavic culture (who will bring flowers, clean up and leave), but also by representatives of some other cultures, in which it is customary to celebrate and feast right at the cemetery. But they, however, also consider themselves Orthodox. The call to abstain is addressed primarily to the noisy birthday celebrations of the deceased in the cemetery, because in the Slavic culture, the cemetery is by no means the place for this. You can just visit the cemetery at least.
They go to the cemetery when there is a desire to go there. Although they say that a birthday is for the living, and for the dead - only the date of death. But you do not go to the grave to celebrate your birthday, but there is simply such a need that this person is in your memory, in your heart. To the man who lost his own dear person, no matter about any prejudice, he goes when he wants to. I only agree that there is no need to cry for a long time and call the deceased, reproach that he left this world. You have to come to terms with the loss.
Although I myself don’t like to visit the cemetery, my legs don’t go there and I don’t want to scold myself for it ..
Once I also had such a question, I turned to the priest in the church and he told me that the birthdays of the dead are not celebrated. With what it is connected I do not know. Probably because the person has really already left this life, you can just remember him on this day with a good, kind word.
Well, it's certainly hard to say. Perhaps someone goes to the cemetery on the birthday of friends and relatives. But I think that the day of death is considered more normal than the day of birth. But you can always go to the cemetery. And for a birthday, you just need to remember how good he was, and all the good things about this person.
If you visit the cemetery on your birthday loved one then there is no sin in it. Just by church canons, the day of death of a person is considered to be of higher priority than the day of birth. A visit to the burial site will never be superfluous.
It is customary in our family to walk. Until the birthday, we clean up, paint the fences, fix everything. And on the birthday itself, we just come for a while, remember, leave flowers, and so, we put sweets on the graves of all relatives.
People close to the church will say more precisely. But they also differ in their opinions. Some will say that it would not be necessary to appear at the graves for no reason, to disturb the dead. Others, the orthodox, will almost call for living in a cemetery.
Nowhere does it say it is necessary;, it is said read the deadquot ;.
You can visit the cemetery any day and any time. Whether it is necessary, your state of mind, your heart will tell you. Feel the need - go. No one will judge or praise.
Do not remind the dead of their past life. Therefore, it is better not to go to the cemetery on birthdays. It will be much better if you visit the grave of a person directly on the day of death. There are even such concepts as a year from the date of death, five years from the date of death, etc. If the soul of the deceased is reminded of his life, then she will be restless.
it is necessary to order a note in the Temple, and preferably in several.
The death of a loved one is a great grief. And it is especially dramatic when this event coincides with his birthday, although this happens quite rarely. It happens that due to family or unforeseen life circumstances does not come out to organize a commemoration on the appointed day. Then people plan it for another date, but what if it coincides with the birthday of the deceased by chance? In such cases, relatives and friends begin to wonder whether it is possible to commemorate the deceased on the day he was born, or whether it would be more correct to postpone the commemoration a day earlier or later.
How did our ancestors
Our ancestors studied the laws of life and nature for years, and in many areas they understood more than modern progressive society. In those distant times, people were just as respectful of rituals and observed traditions, but, having important knowledge, they acted differently from what was customary for subsequent generations. For example, it was not customary to visit the cemetery and bring memorial food and related attributes (towels, candles) to the burial place. Also, they did not arrange memorial procedures in the family circle in honor of the birthday of a deceased person.
You can consider this disrespectful and think that relatives forgot about such an important day, but this is due to the belief of that time, which says that the day of death is the new day of her birth. Since the soul left the body forever, it is this date that is considered worthy of remembrance. Death was considered the moment of the rebirth of the soul in a new body, so the deceased was commemorated on the day of his departure to another world. The commemoration of the deceased on his birthday was considered a bad deed, forcibly returning the departed to past life preventing it from being reborn. It also has a bad effect on the state of mind of the relatives of the deceased, who oppress themselves with sad thoughts and cannot let go of a loved one.
The opinion of the priests
For those who are not familiar with the basic rules of Christianity, it may be news, but Orthodox priests consider a commemoration with magnificently laid tables and the presence of alcoholic beverages - pagan attributes that have been preserved since ancient times. The soul of the deceased does not need food and alcohol, so such things are not required to be present at the commemoration procedure. The presence on the table of simple worldly food is not excluded: rice, honey, bread. But there's no place for alcoholic beverages where a deceased relative is remembered with a prayer and a kind word.
The main rule for the living is to remember the departed with prayer, to beg for the repose of their souls. Traditional memorial days the third, ninth and fortieth days are considered with a meal. The Orthodox Church does not forbid commemorating the deceased on other days, including his birthday, but this should be, first of all, prayerful commemoration.
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