The near-death illness lasts for some, sometimes long, time. This is not only a process of weakening and dying, but sometimes a period of personal growth and development of spirituality. Nevertheless, the latter illness brings with it mental and bodily suffering. It is difficult for the patient, it is difficult for his relatives. Everything possible should be done to help in some way.
We often assume that the dying person only needs care and comfort; this is not true. It happens that when an elderly person - father, mother, husband or wife - falls ill, then relatives, realizing that the disease is incurable, quickly send him or her to a hospital or other special institution. Relatives think that the dying person will be better there, they know what to do there.
It is difficult to die in any conditions, but it is easier to die at home, when those whom you love and who love you are near you. The hospital may be unavoidable and necessary for examination and technical treatment procedures. But when this stage is already over, it is better for the patient to be in a familiar environment, at home, surrounded by loving relatives. The hospital provides order, efficiency, sterility and skilled care, but there is bureaucracy and indifference associated with it.
We pray in the church for the gift of "a shameless, peaceful death." A person wants to maintain his dignity until death, and in the impersonal environment of the hospital this is especially difficult.
How closer death the colder it is in the hospital. Around other people's faces and uncomfortable walls. last hours the life of a dying person is not illuminated by love, but he wants to be with loved ones, feel their love and give them his own.
Being at home, the patient will be able to maintain his usual lifestyle longer. Something will have to be changed, he needs to learn to accept guardianship without grief, and his relatives to be able to take care of him so that he does not notice the change very much and does not feel his helplessness and dependence on others. Give him the opportunity to continue to work, take care of the family and participate in solving issues that concern himself and his family.
It is necessary to provide the patient with the greatest possible physical comfort. There shouldn't be any pain. Now there are remedies that can eliminate any pain. Basically, of course, this is the business of the doctor, but also of relatives. There is no need to be too afraid of addiction to drugs. With careful use and change of funds, you can prevent a serious dependence on them, and if you get used to it a little, it's not such a problem. To make a person close to death suffer pain for fear that he will get used to medicines is cruel.
No sedatives (tranquilizers) should be given: the head should remain clear. Sleeping pills are acceptable, but do not abuse them, use only in cases of real need.
Patients sometimes have a feeling of anxiety and even guilt - "I make it difficult for my loved ones." Make this feeling go away.
If the head of the family goes to another world, he will be disturbed by many things. What will become of his family? Will the surviving spouse be able to raise children well? Will there be peace in the house? The friendly care of all family members will ease the doubts of the dying. His soul and thoughts need rest. If there are no earthly anxieties and worries, it is easier to leave in peace.
What to talk about with the terminally ill? Can we talk about death? Of course you can, but not always. It is difficult for him to start such a conversation himself, although he often wants to. Empty conversations of friends and visitors only burden him. If he manages to break the conspiracy of silence, it will become easier for him and his family. But how to do that?
It requires great tact and understanding of the mood and condition of the patient.
In the realm of emotions, the terminally ill often become almost childlike; they seek understanding, sympathy and love from others. Give it to them if you can. It can be very difficult, but if there is a sincere desire, your intuition will help.
If you are close to him, remind him of important events his and your life, remember with gratitude the difficult and happy experiences together.
Sometimes it's easier to write than to speak. If so, write about your sympathy. This will be appreciated, and then he will be left alone with your letter and get relief.
Sometimes, especially at the beginning of a terminal illness, having learned about its incurability, the patient is in a state of shock. He refuses to understand, he is not yet able to see the terrible truth for him. In it hard time Ballroom needs help and sympathy more than ever. You can't talk about death here.
Pray for his healing, if possible, with him.
The stage of protest and anger is difficult for the patient. He is irritable, demanding and can become obnoxious. If you understand his condition, then here you will find the right words.
In the later stages, when the patient has already partially accepted the inevitable, one can and should speak openly, because he thinks about death all the time, and it worries him. Frankness helps both the patient and relatives.
When a dying person weakens, loneliness begins to burden him. This is another reason why it is so difficult in the hospital, especially at night. Be with him. No more words are needed here. Do not urge the patient to endure misfortune, to hold on and be strong. Rather, confess your fears and fears. This breeds mutual trust.
It's good if the patient cries. Do not hinder him in this, but, on the contrary, help him. Sometimes it is good for the patient to be angry with someone, even with you. Don't be offended.
Do not leave a dying person alone for long periods of time. Just stay in one room, sit next to Silent. Touch his arm, shoulder, hair. Contact, when it is not only emotional, but also physical, is more complete. Sleep with him in the same room.
There is another reason not to leave the dying alone. It is difficult to predict the time of death. The patient may die when you are gone, and you will later regret it or reproach yourself - you did not do everything you could.
When the approach of death is obvious, you need to pray not for recovery, but for deliverance of the patient from suffering, for the forgiveness of his sins, for a peaceful and calm death, for the granting of the Kingdom of Heaven. Try to provide the dying person with confession and communion. If he has reached peace of mind, ask him to pray for you at the grave.
- In the first seven days after the death of a person, do not take out of the house no things.
- On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, serve a second one at home memorial table. The family of the deceased did not sit at the first memorial table.
Now, on the contrary: a family and nine more people sat down at the table (three who washed the deceased, three who made a coffin, three who dug a hole). modern conditions the number of invitees may vary because there are different public services, which provide the necessary ritual services: the deceased is dressed in the mortuary, the coffin can be bought at the ritual supplies store, the grave can also be prepared in advance. Therefore, there may be 3 - 6 - 9 invitees, or there may be no one. - On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is arranged - “Sarakavitsy”, at which the family of the deceased, relatives, relatives, friends, work colleagues are present. In the church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
- From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce the verbal charm formula for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "Earth rest in peace", thereby expressing wishes that his soul would be in paradise.
- After the 40th day and for the next three years, we will say a different formula-wish: "The kingdom of heaven to him." Thus we wish the deceased afterlife in Paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. At the same time, they are guided by the biblical commandment "Judge not, lest you be judged."
- During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any festive celebration.
- None of the members of the family of the deceased (including the second degree of relationship) could marry or marry during the period of mourning,
- If a relative of the 1st or 2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and a year has not yet passed after his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or any other color - blue, black, green) and accordingly take part in the celebrations Easter night.
- After the death of the husband, the wife is forbidden for a year to wash anything on the day of the week on which the trouble happened.
- For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of rest or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the things of the deceased until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal rest.
- During this year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for 9, 40 days after death and church holidays of honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are the days of commemoration of the dead recognized by the church. Try to convince your relatives that you should not constantly come to the grave to the deceased, thereby harming their health.
- Whichever way you come to the cemetery, come back the same way.
- Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
- days special commemoration deceased during the year:
Meatfare Saturday - Saturday in the ninth week before Easter;
universal parent saturday- Saturday in the second week of Great Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the third week of Great Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the fourth week of Great Lent;
Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter;
Trinity Saturday - Saturday in the seventh week after Easter;
Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after the Intercession (14.10).
- Exactly one year after the death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“please”) - the 4th, final memorial family and birth table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly one year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
- On this day, you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery - visit the grave.
- As soon as the last memorial meal, the family is again included in traditional scheme holiday regulations folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, has the right to take part in any tribal celebrations, including playing weddings.
- A monument on the grave can be erected only after a year after the death of a person. And it is necessary to remember Golden Rule folk culture: "Do not chapay the land pasture Pakravou da Radaunshchy." This means that if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period up to Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
- After the installation of the monument, the cross (usually wooden) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower garden or under a gravestone.
- Marrying (getting married) after the death of one of the spouses is possible only in a year. If a woman married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-owner only after seven years.
- If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband, his wife took his ring, and if she no longer married, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
- If the husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that, having met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings, with which the Lord God crowned us.
- For three years, the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death are celebrated. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemoration of ancestors.
- Not all of us know how to pray, much less know prayers for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help you find peace in your soul after an irreparable loss.
There have long been traditions that determine what can and cannot be done within a year after death. loved one. Some are already outdated, and some customs still live today. You need to know about this...
1:889 1:898■ For the first seven days after a person's death, do not take anything out of the house.
■ On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, and lay a second memorial table at home. The family of the deceased did not sit at the first memorial table.
Now, on the contrary: a family and nine more people sat at the table (three who washed the deceased, three who made the coffin, three who dug a hole). In modern conditions, the number of guests may vary, because there are various public services that provide the necessary funeral services: the deceased is dressed in the mortuary, the coffin can be bought at the funeral supplies store, the grave can also be prepared in advance. Therefore, there may be 3 - 6 - 9 invitees, or there may be no one.
■ On the 40th day after a person's death, a third commemoration table is arranged - "Sarakavitsy", which is attended by the family of the deceased, relatives, relatives, friends, work colleagues. In the church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
■ From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce the verbal charm formula for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "Earth rest in peace", thereby expressing wishes that his soul would be in paradise.
■ After the 40th day and for the next three years, we will say a different formula-wish: "The kingdom of heaven to him." Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. At the same time, they are guided by the biblical commandment "Judge not, lest you be judged."
■ During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any festive celebration.
■ None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could marry or marry during the period of mourning.
■ If a relative of the 1st or 2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and a year has not yet passed after his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or any other color - blue, black , green) and, accordingly, take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
■ After the death of her husband, the wife is forbidden to wash anything for a year on the day of the week on which the trouble happened.
■ For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of rest or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the things of the deceased until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal rest.
■ During this year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for 9, 40 days after death and church holidays of honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are the days of commemoration of the dead recognized by the church. Try to convince your relatives that you should not constantly come to the grave to the deceased, thereby harming their health.
■ Whichever way you come to the cemetery, go back the same way.
■ Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
■ Days of special commemoration of the dead during the year:
Meatfare Saturday - Saturday in the ninth week before Easter;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the second week of Great Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the third week of Great Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the fourth week of Great Lent;
Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter;
Trinity Saturday - Saturday in the seventh week after Easter;
Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after the Intercession (14.10).
■ Exactly one year after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“please”) - the 4th, final memorial family and birth table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly one year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
■ On this day, you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery - visit the grave.
■ As soon as the last memorial meal is over, the family is again included in the traditional scheme of festive regulations of the folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, has the right to take part in any tribal celebrations, including weddings.
■ A monument can be erected on a grave only one year after the person's death. Moreover, it is necessary to remember the golden rule of folk culture: "Do not graze the land with pasture Pakravou and Radaunshchy." This means that if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period up to Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
■ After the erection of the monument, the cross (usually wooden) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower garden or under a gravestone.
■ Marrying (marrying) after the death of one of the spouses is possible only after a year. If a woman married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-owner only after seven years.
■ If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband, his wife took his ring, and if she did not marry again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
■ If the husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that when they met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings with which the Lord God crowned us.
■ For three years, celebrate the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays of commemoration of ancestors are celebrated.
■ Not all of us know how to pray, much less know how to pray for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help you find peace in your soul after an irreparable loss.
How to live after death parents? Unfortunately, most of us sooner or later ask ourselves this question. On the one hand, children must outlive their parents: this is the law of life. However, it is very difficult to accept the fact that the people who gave us this life are gone forever...
When in the family warm atmosphere and strong emotional connection, any separation (even for a while) is source of suffering for others.
And no one taught us to face these feelings, so we are completely unprepared.
The departure of a mother or father always leaves a deep wound in the soul that never heals. However, gradually you can learn to live on. after death loved ones.
Pleasant memories from the past will help you with this, photos where you are still together and happy - all those intangible treasures that your parents left in your soul. No matter what, they will stay with you forever.
We invite you to think a little about this topic with us. Perhaps this will help you develop certain behavioral strategies in order to overcome this difficult crisis period in your life.
Living after the death of parents, no one is ready for this ...
The pain of loss is always proportional to the emotional connection you had with your mom or dad. And here it doesn’t matter at all whether you grew up or not, became independent, whether you had your own family and.
Emotional connection with a loved one is outside of time, distance or lived years.
After all, inside we remain the same person who needs advice and support, who is sincerely grateful for the mother's hug and for the look of the father, full of pride in you and inspiring confidence.
Man is a social and emotional being, and the bonds that are established with parents are so intimate that when they are lost, literally everything inside collapses.
Everyone experiences the pain of loss in their own way.
The pain of loss you feel is always a very personal process. Through it, you come to the understanding that a loved one is gone. Psychologists distinguish next steps acceptance:
- Negation
- Depression
- Adoption
The whole process usually takes about three months. Nonetheless, Every person experiences grief in their own way.
Therefore, you should not be offended, or angry, if it seems to you that someone is mourning “incorrectly”. Does not seem "killed" and "crushed" or vice versa, expresses his emotions in a grotesque form. Everyone handles loss differently, and not everyone is able to control it.
It is important to find your own way out of this difficult situation, then, that will help ease the soul. Talk to loved ones or stay alone, look at photo albums or cry to your heart's content.
Gradually, over time, our suffering will decrease. And although it is hard to believe at first, you will overcome your grief and again you will move forward.
Sudden death of a loved one, without the last goodbye. How to deal with it?
The death of parents can be caused by various circumstances. A long illness, an accident or an unexpected ...
- Usually, it hurts the most when it was not possible to say goodbye to a loved one. After all, they did not have time to tell him how much they love him.
- Sometimes people lose their loved ones directly after a quarrel with them, after some kind of misunderstanding and misunderstanding, after a harsh or offensive word spoken to them. All this, whether we like it or not, aggravates the situation, and it becomes even more difficult to accept the fact of death.
- And it is impossible to fix it, because it is impossible to turn back time. In such a situation, you need to focus your thoughts on the following: the father and mother always know that their child loves them. There are no resentments, which means that there should be no remorse.
Remember that the past disagreements don't matter. The connection with your parents is so strong, noble and sincere that you must find the strength to say goodbye to them quietly and calmly. After all, they will always be with you, in your heart, thoughts and memories.
To honor the memory of your parents, you need to learn to smile again
Losing a parent is a wound that never heals. And yet, gradually, you must learn to live with it, move on and allow yourself to become again. Here it is important to keep in mind the following:
- Your parents would not want you to continue to live in the grip of emotional suffering, sadness and sadness. It may seem impossible, but you need to learn how to smile again. Because your happiness is a way to honor the memory of your parents.
- Don't push the past away from you, let good memories fill your thoughts. They will enrich you and give you the strength to move on.
- Everything your parents told you and all the moments you shared with them are emotional gifts that you should pass on to your children as well. It is a legacy of love and affection that gives strength to grow, yet don't forget your roots.
Sooner or later, all of us will have to face the loss of people close and dear to us. It is impossible to prepare for this. But remember that the one you have today will become the strength and support of tomorrow.
So learn to live in the present and enjoy every moment with your parents, with all the fullness and sincerity!
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